Every year, I find the temptation to sum up and reflect on the past 12 months just irresistible. I’m not sure why. It’s an arbitrary milestone. I often find New Year’s Eve faintly anticlimactic. I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions because you can resolve to do things anytime, and probably with greater success later in the year. So, why the need to mark the turning of the year in writing?
Well, even though I’m embarrassed by my earnest, yearning, and overwritten teenage blog posts (like this one), I sort of love them too. They make me feel tender towards my past self and I want to read this in five or six years and feel the same way. This year was also particularly eventful. I started it in Mexico on my honeymoon, and then around my 24th birthday in February I found out about my mom’s cancer. I spent a lot of time driving to my parent’s house. I grieved over the horribleness of cancer and its treatment. I finally felt like I hit my stride in my job. I started a book club. I traveled here and there. I supported my husband through the end of his master’s program. I got my own health insurance. Today marks my one year wedding anniversary. I finally feel like a Big Girl (perhaps even a Woman), which means I’m primed to have a quarterlife crisis when I turn 25 in February. Ha.
Really, though, I think I can’t help doing this because I need to tally up and reason how these things add up to another year — the years slip by faster and faster and I need to remind myself how every eventful they really are, if I pay enough attention. So, I suppose if I have a goal for the entire year of 2014 (not an actual New Year’s resolution, mind you) it’s to pay better attention to now, instead of obsessing about the future.
I’ll be back in January with a fresh set of monthly goals, of course, but for now I’m only going to focus on celebrating my anniversary (one year of marriage, but almost six years together) and ringing in the new year with some of my best friends.